Busting Paradigms (Among Other Things): A Conversation with Ellie Lumpesse - 3 of 3

Frédérik: Let’s take a different tack and discuss happier associations with sex, like music. In episode 6 of Bedroom Radio, you have a great interview with Mr. Melvis of Comfort Stand, a non-commercial, non-profit net label dedicated to distributing music to the interested masses free of charge. You specifically talk about the wildly popular and widely downloaded album, Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka, Porn Music for the Masses Volume 1, a fascinating project that asked musicians to submit their interpretation of what music for a porn movie (or a sexual fantasy) sounds like. It would actually be interesting to see what people would come up with if asked to create a soundtrack for sex without filtering it through perceptions of porn movies. Then again, your Bedroom Radio podcasts might very well fit the bill. What prompted you to bring music and sex together the way you did? What do you put into Bedroom Radio? What do you want listeners to take away from it?

Ellie: I wish that I could say I had some grand motivation or goal but that all came together later. The podcast actually started when I offered to help Sam Sugar find musical segments for his now defunct Podnography podcast and he turned his nose up at what I sent him. So, I decided to make my own podcast. That was episode one. From there things grew, and for me sex and music are a natural fit. See, music is deeply sexy and emotional and sex is all about rhythm and tempo and melodies interacting. Bedroom Radio has been many things at many times - a vanity tool, an outlet for exhibitionism, a place to share deeply held convictions, an excuse to flirt with the people I am interviewing, and something that I still get nagged about on an almost daily basis. (For the record, I am trying to find my muse for new episodes, perhaps I'll interview you?). As for what I want my listeners to take away - I don't have an agenda like that although I know what many of them take away. First, a surprising number are really into the music and love that I introduce them to new bands. Plenty take away an orgasm or two because they decided to join in the fun when I get down to business. I think that at least a few take away a new respect for sexuality and the variety of ways it is manifested in this world.

Frédérik: In going through the comments to your blog posts, I notice the occasional response along the lines of “if you give someone an inch, they’ll take a mile.” Describe a sexual encounter, someone will ask for pictures. Show a picture and someone will ask to see more. Do you ever feel that reader or listener expectations defy your own expectations of the kind of relationship you have with your audience?

Ellie: I think it is a natural response. Sometimes my lack of elaboration or supporting materials is an intentional tease, sometimes it is an oversight, often it is a practical reality - there is no picture or I don't have time to take one, etc. I take these sorts of request in stride and only get annoyed by them when they seem demanding. My relationship with my audience has evolved through the years and has changed most since I started doing phone work with some of them. I would be a liar if I didn't say that those readers that are clients get more access to me and perhaps more of their requests fulfilled. At the end of the day, though, I'm doing this for myself. If my podcast or blog happen to help you get off - awesome, I get off so why not you? But they aren't there for that purpose so I won't alter them to accomplish that sort of bottom line.

Frédérik: In the first post on your blog, back in March 2005, you wrote: “I am a 23 year old female in a committed relationship with a wonderful boyfriend. I have been with him for 2 and a half years and we have had some amazing sex. He has taught me everything I know at this point and I am becoming increasingly adventurous.” Since then, you’ve certainly had a many positive experiences with group sex, spankings, bondage, and so on. But you’ve also bumped into a few potentially thorny situations, like your encounter with the Professor “conspiring to cheat on his wife” through Adult Friend Finder. There has also been the plain creepy, like that guy who kept insisting he isn’t a pedophile. In other words, you’ve met many different people under varying circumstances, good and bad. How have your experiences changed your outlook on sex since that first post, (or since even before that first post)? How would you describe your journey?

Ellie: I would say that most of those examples you have mentioned are rather mild or comical. In general I haven't written about the more difficult consequences of my actions because they have been either painful or embarrassing or both. The exception to that is the breakup I went through with that boyfriend I wrote about in the intro post. We were experimenting with an open relationship and I met Jay during that time, Jay fell in love, C couldn't handle it and it was a huge mess. I chose the chance for exploring the world of truly open relationships over the man that I was madly and completely in love with. I didn't leave C for Jay but because we had reached an impasse. I knew, quite clearly and quite irrefutably that I was capable of love with more than one man because I was doing it. C knew that he couldn't share me that way because it was hurting him too much. Ironically, the end result of a year or so of experimenting with Jay was trying to excise feelings from any extracurricular activities we might engage in because I was just that afraid of what had happened before. C and I are still dear friends, and our relationship now has peaks and valleys because, well, we're still sad and there is still pain even after almost two years. When I look back on my journey that is the biggest challenge I have faced and the only time I really questioned if I was doing the right thing. I have asked myself the standard questions, am I doing this to get attention? Do I respect myself? Yes. Absolutely, but relationships are still hard especially when other people get involved. The discovery of myself as a sexual being over the last 5 years (when I first lost my virginity) has been a pleasure for me. The fact that I have gotten to share some of that with others has really influenced the way that path has taken me. And it has probably gotten me laid more often. ;)

(That's all, folks. Many, many thanks to Ellie for sharing her time and insight.)

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